The Forward Pass has leaked a stunning letter from NRL Referees boss Tony Archer.

“Dear coach of <insert team affected>,

I, Tony Archer, am sorry for the terrible refereeing/Bunker error that cost your team victory this weekend.

I’ve already punished <insert referee/s who screwed up> by confiscating their XBox/Playstation/Nintendo 3DS/Switch until they’ve learnt their lesson.

I promise to offer a superficial public apology which makes nobody accountable, confirms the bleeding obvious and gets me on TV. It’s the least I can…

…sorry, I can’t keep a straight face anymore. You want the truth? We don’t care about your petty little problems! As long as I’m in charge, my referees will never be held accountable to the media.

The Bunker is a cold, emotionless machine with some scarily incompetent people in charge. That’s the point. The more people angrily micro-analyse the Bunker’s latest mistake, the more exposure our wonderful sponsors get. Admitting our mistakes in public would make us human and sympathetic. That’s boring, we love the weekly anger, outrage and disbelief. Whatever gets the idiots talking.

You’re probably shocked by this letter and will whinge to the media about it. Good luck, we’ll just keep fining you. The NRL needs referees, but coaches are replaceable…it’ll only take one phone call.

Good luck for the rest of the season, I’m sure we’ll find a way to screw up your finals hopes.

Forever incompetently yours,

Tony Archer.”

The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only.
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