The NZ Warriors are expelled from the 2018 NRL Premiership.
The final straw was the Warriors’ home loss to Cronulla in Round 21, their fourth straight defeat. They’ve won just one game in Australia this season and haven’t made the finals since 2011.
‘The Warriors had so much potential…in 1995,’ said NRL CEO Todd Greenberg. ‘The NRL is a serious business and we can’t afford horrible teams like the Warriors constantly underachieving. Just two losing grand finals in 20-something years isn’t good enough for a non-Sydney club.’
A possible merger between the Warriors and Wests Tigers was quickly snuffed.
‘The Warriors board proposed we slice our home games between Leichhardt, Campbelltown and Auckland’, said Tigers coach Ivan Cleary. ‘The boys struggle travelling to Homebush, let alone New Zealand, every few weeks.’
Greenberg assures NZ league fans won’t be deserted. ‘We’ll still have regular NRL games in Auckland and the Warriors’ best players will be signed by other NRL teams or defect to rugby union.’
Warriors coach Stephen Kearney wasn’t worried about losing the franchise. ‘Nobody cares about league down here, we’re too busy laughing at the Wallabies. I’ve sent my resume to all the NZ Super Rugby teams. It looks promising.’
The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only.
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