The fake news that’s actually fake.

North Queensland have named two unknown players for Sunday’s grand final at Homebush.

Jack Notsruht and Michael Ttocs will join an extended bench.

The pair look absolutely nothing like these current injured Cowboys:

Paul Green has specific plans for the pair, “The new boys have been playing somewhere far, far away in Central Queensland, they’ve got Russian parents, hence the strange names. We’ll inject them in the first twenty minutes to throw off the Storm before their fake moust…I mean…before they get too tired. We should have the game won by then.”

NRL CEO Todd Greenberg has approved the unorthodox move, “It creates a bit of drama and intrigue before the big game. Everyone’s been caught up in Macklemore’s song choices, so this wild card should get people’s minds back on the footy.”

Melbourne coach Craig Bellamy is less impressed, “Typical Queenslanders. They’re so terrified of losing that they’ll do whatever it takes to win. I’m surprised they didn’t try to recruit Alfie as their ‘trainer’.”

The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only.
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