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The Forward Pass: What’s Canberra’s Drastic Plan?

The fake news that’s actually fake.

Canberra coach Ricky Stuart has devised a novel way to make Canberra Stadium a fortress again.

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“We’re going to dig up the Bruce Stadium in-goals and plant live electrical doodads, so every time an opposition player goes into the in-goal to score, they get an electric shock. Nothing too nasty, just enough to make them think twice. They’ll have to stand outside the in-goal when Jarrod kicks goals and goal line drop outs might be tricky,” Stuart said. “Of course, our boys will be immune with some anti-electrical gadgets under their jerseys. I’ve got Canberra’s top scientists working on it in time for our next home game against Canterbury.”

“It’s the highly illegal and immoral tactics of a desperate man,” NRL CEO Todd Greenberg said. “I offered to give Canberra a 12-point start every game, but Ricky said they’d still find a way to lose.”

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“Bugger Greenberg, what does he know? I’ve gotta try something, threatening them with Question Time didn’t work.” Stuart said. “We used to be so good at Bruce, now we can’t even beat the bloody Warriors!

Greenberg has one innovative idea. “Maybe – just maybe – Ricky should coach his team not to blow big leads in the dying minutes.”

The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only. Check it out on Twitter @thefwdpass

The Forward Pass is a weekly dose of footy-related satire and general nonsense. The author Andrew Pelechaty has been a freelance sportswriter since 2003 and has a BA and Grad Cert in Editing and Publishing.


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