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The Forward Pass: Norths’ Takeover Revealed

The fake news that’s actually fake.

The Forward Pass can reveal the details of North Sydney’s Manly takeover.

In an email written to Bears fans, Greg Florimo outlined the plan.

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“Dear loyal Bears fans,

As Bears CEO, I’m excited about our NRL re-entry in 2019. While we had to buy out the basket-case Sea Eagles instead of moving to the Central Coast like we wanted, at least we don’t have to move to the Gold Coast.

Our new name is the Norths-Manly Bears. We had to compromise somewhere to keep the Silvertails happy. The good news? We’ll play most of our home games at our spiritual home – North Sydney Oval, yay! We’ll also play a few games at Gosford and Brooky (another concession to Manly).

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Our home jersey has the simple red with black hoops. Manly are represented by maroon-and-white stripes and the Sea Eagles logo on both sleeves. The away jersey has a white body with thinner red and black stripes and the maroon sleeves, with both jerseys featuring North Sydney’s and Manly’s premierships years on the back. They’ll both be in stores by Christmas, so get your money ready Bears fans. When we’re forced to play at Brooky, we’ll wear Manly’s 80s heritage jersey (but you don’t have to buy that…).

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As for the coach (the man we’ll love when we’re winning and knife when we lose), Geoff Toovey’s our man. Yes he’s a Manly boy, but he’s sure to give entertaining press conferences. Norths legend Jason Taylor is the assistant coach.

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We’re also excited to announce Mario ‘The Falcon’ Fenech in a special Fans Liaison role. We’ve even got a committee to pull some classic pranks on Falcon.

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As for players, we’ll keep Manly’s best (but no DCE, promise) and start shopping for the rest.

I understand some fans are still wounded by the Northern Eagles debacle, but I promise you this won’t happen again. We’re playing at our TRUE home and got our colours back. Manly should be grateful we’re bailing them out.

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So there we are Bears fans: we have a lot to look forward to, I’ll keep you diehards informed when more news breaks. See you at North Sydney Oval in 2019.

Bears for life,

Greg Florimo.”

The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only. Check it out on Twitter @thefwdpass

 

The Forward Pass is a weekly dose of footy-related satire and general nonsense. The author Andrew Pelechaty has been a freelance sportswriter since 2003 and has a BA and Grad Cert in Editing and Publishing.

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