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The Forward Pass: Channel Nine’s New Origin commentators

The fake news that’s actually fake.

Channel Nine will debut a new commentary team for State of Origin II in Sydney.

Sick of the constant bias accusations, Nine are dividing their commentators into Queensland and New South Wales.

“Every year it’s the same old crap!” said Nine CEO Hugh Marks. “Rabs and the boys are too biased towards NSW, blah blah blah. So we decided to give people a choice instead of complaining all the time.”

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On Sunday June 24, viewers can decided who they listen to via a button on their remote control. The New South Wales commentary team features Ray Warren, Phil Gould, Andrew Johns and Paul Gallen (sideline comments). The Queensland team features Wally Lewis, Paul Vautin, Darren Lockyer and Cameron Smith (sideline comments).

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“I’ve told both commentary teams to be as stupidly, blatantly biased as possible. If you don’t like it, then press the red button and switch over,” Marks said. “We’ll get the ratings either way.”

For fans watching on the Nine Now app, the commentary teams will be decided by the user’s location (users living in Queensland get the Queensland commentary, everywhere else gets NSW commentary).

The two commentary teams are looking forward to the new rivalry.

“I’ve been telling Wal, the Fat and Locky that they’ve got nothing, Deadset gibberers, the lot of them,” Warren said. “No doubt Fat will bore everyone with his long-winded stories about the 1995 Origin series.”

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Gould is looking forward to finally let his blue-bias fly. “All these years I’ve had to hide my true feelings and pretend to says nice things about Queensland. Now I can shamelessly cheer for New South Wales and boo the cheating Queenslanders. I’m finally free.”

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The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only. Check it out on Twitter @thefwdpass

The Forward Pass is a weekly dose of footy-related satire and general nonsense. The author Andrew Pelechaty has been a freelance sportswriter since 2003 and has a BA and Grad Cert in Editing and Publishing.

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