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The Forward Pass: Canterbury’s Mad Monday Punishment

The fake news that’s actually fake.

Canterbury’s Mad Monday punishment has been revealed.

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The Bulldogs will retrospectively lose their 18 competition points from 2018, starting 2019 on -18. It means Canterbury have almost no chance of making the finals.

”We needed to put our foot down,” NRL CEO Todd Greenberg said. “As an entertainment brand, we can’t afford Canterbury’s yobbish behaviour. Banning them was too extreme, fining them was too soft. We found the sweet spot.”

Canterbury coach Dean Pay is furious. “This is typical of the NRL. They don’t want players to be human, so they punish them for blowing off steam after a long season.”

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Parramatta coach Brad Arthur is relieved the Eels can offload the wooden spoon in 2019. “The Doggies are gone. We’ll happily post them the spoon to them in the off-season, with pretty blue and white bows.”

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After calming down, Pay revealed his plan for 2019. “If we don’t get nine wins before Origin, then we’ll play the NSW Cup boys and prepare for 2020,” Pay said.

The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only. Check it out on Twitter @thefwdpass

Deputy Sports Editor for the Australian Times Weekly

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