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The Forward Pass: Who’s the Grand Final Replay’s Surprise Guest?

The fake news that’s actually fake.

Melbourne and North Queensland will commemorate Thursday night’s grand final replay at Melbourne’s AAMI Park with a special guest….American singer Michael Bolton.

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The idea came from Michael’s cousin Scott Bolton, who nearly won the game for the Cowboys last Friday night.

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“I was talking to Mike on Skype last Saturday, telling him how excited we all were about the Storm game,” said Scott. “Mike – who’s up for anything these days – offered to fly to Melbourne and sing for the Cowboys fans, Storm fans and that random Souths guy. It’s so exciting.”

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Michael Bolton – who arrived in Australia earlier this week – has been busy working on a setlist.

“I’m starting with my mega-hits ‘How Can We Be Lovers?’, ‘Said I Loved You…But I Lied’, ‘How Am I Supposed to Live Without You’, and my popular cover of ‘When a Man Loves a Woman’. I’ll end the set with a solo piano version of ‘Jack Sparrow’, with the Cowboys and Storm cheerleaders as the Jack Sparrow dancers.”

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NRL CEO Todd Greenberg will keep a close eye on Michael Bolton’s performance. “If Michael does well, we’re going to book him for the NRL Grand Final on the spot. He won’t upset the angry white conservatives as much as that Macklemore fella.”

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The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only. Check it out on Twitter @thefwdpass

THE LEAGUE LADY | Third Time’s the Charm for Taufa

The Forward Pass is a weekly dose of footy-related satire and general nonsense. The author Andrew Pelechaty has been a freelance sportswriter since 2003 and has a BA and Grad Cert in Editing and Publishing.


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