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THE FORWARD PASS | Channel Nine’s Elite Vision

The fake news that’s actually fake.

Channel Nine have issued an ultimatum to the NRL: they’ll return for 2021 under their own competition.

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The proposed Channel 9 Elite NRL Premiership will feature eight teams:

Brisbane
Parramatta
Melbourne
South Sydney
Sydney Roosters
Newcastle
North Queensland
Penrith

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The 14-round C9ENRLP will be played on Wednesday nights (8pm), Thursday nights (8pm), and Friday nights (7pm and 9pm), with a top four finals series (the top two teams getting a double chance), and a Sunday night grand final at Suncorp Stadium. Of course, all games will be live and exclusive on Nine.

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“This competition brings the best of the NRL to Nine,” said Nine CEO Hugh Marks. “Brisbane, Parramatta, Melbourne, Souths, and the Sydney Roosters are our top-rating teams, while we’ve included North Queensland for the XXXX Derby, and Newcastle and Penrith to keep Joey, Gus, and Freddy happy. Fans are in for a treat as they don’t have to worry about those boring low-rating teams who cost us money. The NRL need us to show footy to all the people who can’t afford Foxtel or Kayo, so they have to accept our proposal if they want us to continue being the true home of footy.

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The remaining eight teams (Canberra, Wests Tigers, Manly-Warringah, Cronulla-Sutherland, St George-Illawarra, Canterbury-Bankstown, NZ Warriors, Gold Coast) will play in the normal NRL premiership on Saturdays and Sundays with a top four finals series (again the top two get the double chance) and a Sunday afternoon grand final in Sydney. All NRL games will be telecast on Fox League and Kayo.

The two comps will unite for Origin and Test matches, but there will be no Super Bowl-style game between the C9ENRLP and NRL winners.

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Peter V’landys is against Nine’s proposal. “I’ll be doing everything to ensure Nine don’t get their ‘elite’ competition. Didn’t those idiots learn anything from Super League? Nine is so greedy and arrogant that they’re prepared to destroy the game to get their own way. The NRL is a sixteen-team competition, not just the teams Nine want for their precious Thursday and Friday nights!”

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V’landys is so serious he’s even held meetings with Channel Seven, Channel Ten, and the ABC for the 2021 free-to-air rights.

”We’ve had some promising talks with Seven and Ten about a partnership with Fox League, while the ABC are keen to show Saturday afternoon footy again. Nine can get stuffed!”

The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only. Check it out on Twitter @thefwdpass

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