The Forward Pass: the NRL’s New Themed Round
The fake news that’s actually fake.
The NRL will open 2018 with a special themed round.
Desperate to win back the angry, old white men they offended with Macklemore’s grand final performance, round one 2018 will be ‘Dinosaur Round’.
“It’s similar to the beloved retro round but much, much older,” said NRL CEO Todd Greenberg. “We’ve selfishly ignored the vital over-60s market for too long and we’re sorry, time to give something back.”
Dinosaur Round features include:
– one referee and no Bunker.
– NSW clubs only allowed to play (Melbourne, Brisbane, North Qld, Canberra, NZ Warriors, Gold Coast enjoy an extra bye). The Sydney Roosters will revert to Eastern Suburbs for this round, though Wests Tigers and St. George-Illawarra remain.
– all five games played at the SCG, with John Williamson to start each game with a selection of his greatest hits. Beers will cost 50c and hot meat pies and chips $1 each.
– players to wear retro cotton jerseys, which will be very comfortable in early March.
– four-tackle sets with the 10 metre rule abolished.
– Ray Hadley will commentate every game.
There is one feature Greenberg is looking forward to, “Players are immune from suspension in Dinosaur Round so they can bash each other senseless, just like the good old days. It’s a return to pure rugby league.”
The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only.
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