The Forward Pass: The Secret Plan for Brisbane’s Magic Weekend

The fake news that’s actually fake.

With Brisbane’s 2019 ‘Magic Weekend’ announced, The Forward Pass can reveal the Queensland Rugby League’s ‘real’ plan.

“We all know Queensland’s the only rugby league state that matters, so we want our Magic Weekend to reflect the amazing Sunshine State,” said QRL official Jordan Noah, who wished to stay anonymous, fearing legal action from the NRL. “From Thursday to Sunday, we’ll play a ‘Queensland Championship Quad Series’, with Brisbane, North Queensland, Gold Coast and special guests Melbourne (with all their Queenslanders they’re our unofficial fourth side). The Broncos, Cowboys, Titans and Storm would play six games from Thursday to Saturday night, with the final on Sunday night. Channel Nine will broadcast all seven games, live and exclusive, while cramming in as many ads as they want to.”

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Noah had a plan for the other 12 NRL teams. “We’d farm out all the horrible Sydney teams, Canberra, Newcastle and the Warriors to suburban Brisbane grounds. The NRL’s always saying we should spread the game. I guarantee you a Roosters v Rabbits game at Langlands Park will get a bigger crowd than at the SFS.”

Unfortunately for Noah, the NRL rejected the plan.

“Greenberg said, ‘While we appreciate the financial windfall the Queensland Championship Quad Series would bring, it’s a little unfair for the Broncos, Cowboys, Titans and Storm to play three or four games in as many days. Plus the Sydney clubs would complain about travelling to the outskirts of Brisbane. They can’t stand leaving Moore Park or Homebush as it is. So we’ll compromise by playing every game at Suncorp Stadium.’ Typical bloody NSW bias. If I had my way I’d kick out all the stupid Sydney teams,” Noah said.

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The Forward Pass contacted an excited Channel Nine CEO Hugh Marks. “Frankly, I loved the idea. The three best teams in the NRL, and the Titans, playing each other three times over four days to decide the ultimate Queensland champion. We know how much cash the Broncos-Cowboys and Broncos-Storm games rake in, so I — sorry — Channel Nine, would reach Mr. Burns levels of wealth.”

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The Forward Pass is a fictional and deliberately ridiculous look at the NRL. References to real people is for satirical purposes only. Check it out on Twitter @thefwdpass



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